THE FLIP-SIDE OF JIHAD (5/20/03)
by Patrick Blackwell

The recent suicide bombings in Israel over the past few days seem to have started another round of jihad by the Palestinians. Israel of course, will retaliate and the Palestinians will continue in their own self-destruction. So am I pro-Israel ? Yeah, but I didn't used to be. In days gone by, I was sympathetic with Palestinians. On the other hand, I admired the Israelis greatly. They remind me of the people who settled the American West. They came back to their homeland and built a nation. They took what was desert and made it bloom. And along the way, they soundly defeated all the Arab nations who tried to stop them...not once but three times. In other words, that is like the population of my home state of South Carolina taking on Jordan, Saudi Arabia, Iraq, Egypt, Syria and Lebanon combined and mopping the floor with them. So with the recent suicide bombings in my head I started wondering if any of the terrorist bombers has even an ounce of common sense or rational thinking. Did the words " what if" enter into their minds in that split second before they blasted off to kingdom come? 

First off, what does blowing yourself up accomplish? You walk in to a shopping mall or restaurant and blow yourself up and take three old ladies, a couple of children and maybe a college student or two with you. Do they actually believe these people eating lunch are the ones who drive tanks and shoot back?

Secondly, do they ever really think about what martyrdom means? You get 69 virgins and a ticket to what they call Paradise. What if the virgins are all ugly? What if they all look alike? What if they want to remain virgins ? I can't help but think that one man's paradise can be another man's hell. The Koran mentions Heaven, Hell and Paradise. Why don't suicide bombers get Heaven? It is out of discussion that suicide is Islamically forbidden. Mohammed says: "The one who throws himself from a mountain and kills himself will be eternally in Hell." So, then P.T Barnum must have been right. 

A third thing that comes to mind is that being a suicide bomber doesn't pay well anymore. No joke, until the we brought Saddam down, being a successful suicide bomber was the highest paying job among Palestinians. With Saddam gone, they only get $200 instead of $30,200. Talk about a pay cut. Another thing I wonder also that is related to the pay issue is how you move up the corporate ladder. How does one become a suicide bomber "manager" as they call it ? Do you go a-bombing and just have to blow an arm off and then you move up? That's something to think about before you make the career choice for sure.

The more I thought about all this, the stupider it got. I looked up the statistics on these
guys and gals.

  · 83% of the suicide bombers are single. Are they trying to impress someone to get
    a date? Hey, Fatima...watch this!!!
  · 47% of the suicide bombers have an academic education and an additional 29% have at least
    a high school education. - And we all thought high school kids didn't know anything.
  · 64% of the suicide bombers are between the ages 18-23; most of the rest are under 30
     - What changes at age 30?

Maybe it is just my Western way of thinking or maybe just my Southern common sense. But then again, the Chinese and a host of other people are from the East and they have common sense. So it must be the Palestinians themselves that can't learn. Remember the old saying, "If you can't beat 'em, then join 'em ? Well from my ivory tower, the Palestinians haven't learned yet that they can't beat the Israelis. And to join them would mean that they would have to settle for something they don't want. They'd have to settle for that wicked thing called peace.